I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
