ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
