That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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