She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize