I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
