trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize