Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
