Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
