He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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