We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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