We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
