Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
