I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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