Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
