I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
