drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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