Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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