Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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