So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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