He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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