Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
