My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
