I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
