We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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