you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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