we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
