So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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