how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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