im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
