i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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