I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
