I just pynch a tree in the face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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