I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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