His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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