i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How external is "for external use only"?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
