Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
