Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
