My balls are so social today.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
