we have pet lesbian snakes
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
