I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
