my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
