So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
