Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
