Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
