I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
