woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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