dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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