when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
