I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
