that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
