im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize