she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
