my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
do nipples grow back?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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