I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
