my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
