My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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