I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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