I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize