I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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