you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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