My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
