shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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