her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
