your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
