I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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