That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
