Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
