Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
