i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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