God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
