Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
