he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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