either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
