Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
