just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
