It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
