a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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