Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
