so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
