I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
