eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I could fuck to npr.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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