Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
