thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
