Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
