I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
