Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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