I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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