what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
