i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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