just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
