I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
