Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Heโs a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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