As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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