Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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