I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
