I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
