this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
