if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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