just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
