so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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