I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize