i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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