having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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