I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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