We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
