i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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