So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
