Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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