I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
