I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
