they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
