I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
