You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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