please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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