She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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