if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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